By Mikaela Ahlstrom
“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship”
On a busy Friday morning at the L'Enfant Plaza in Washinton D.C., a young man dressed in a T-shirt and jeans took out a violin and began to play. For the next 45 minutes, the sounds of Bach, Schubert, Ponce, and Massenet could be heard echoing between the halls of the building. Out of the more than one thousand people who passed by, twenty-seven dropped a few dollars into his violin case, and only seven paused to listen to the music.
Unbeknownst to the crowd, that man was Joshua Bell—one of the most famous and talented violinists in the world. His violin? Bell purchased it for nearly $4 million. And just a few days prior, Bell’s sold-out concert at the Symphony Hall in Boston brought in over $250,000 in revenue. Needless to say, his street performance at the plaza, though largely overlooked by those in attendance, was a masterpiece that any classical music lover would be dismayed to have missed (Weingarten, 2007).
Think, for a moment, about what you might have done in that situation. Would you have rushed by, consumed by thoughts of what needed to get done before the upcoming weekend? Or do you think you would have paused to take in the music? Now, not every mundane moment in life is a life-changing experience waiting to be uncovered. However, as Ferris Bueller memorably stated, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Might I suggest that the very best things in life—the things that will bring the greatest amount of joy and fulfillment—are already right in front of us? Just as Bell’s music filled the L’Enfant Plaza, the melodies of happiness are already playing if we will but listen. Let’s explore one of life’s little treasures that may not be so little after all.
Based on decades of research, scientists have determined that perhaps the biggest predictor of both physical and emotional well-being is the quality of an individual’s relationships (Waldinger, 2015). Forming strong connections with others brings a host of benefits, such as increased levels of happiness, satisfaction, resilience, bodily health, and even life expectancy (visit our Supportive Relationships module to learn more). While building strong relationships may require time and effort, it is well worth the cost.
To begin maximizing your relationships, look no further than the people who are already a part of your life—your spouse, children, parents, relatives, coworkers, and friends. How would you rate your connection with these individuals? Is there room for improvement? Now, here is an important principle to keep in mind: You will be most satisfied in your relationships if you look for ways to care for others’ well-being instead of focusing on how they can benefit you. For instance, the extent to which husbands and wives serve each other has a greater influence on their relationship satisfaction than how much they are served themselves (Reis et al., 2014). If you want to strengthen your bonds with those around you, take an active interest in their welfare.
You can begin by getting to know your loved ones better. The feeling of being known in a relationship is more impactful than the feeling of knowing the other person (Schroeder & Fishbach, 2024). Therefore, make an effort to learn more about the people in your life. Ask them questions and listen sincerely as they respond. Intimacy will naturally occur as you create space for your loved ones to share their thoughts and feelings and as you respond appropriately (Laurenceau et al., 1998). Supportive family members and friends should offer you the same opportunity in return.
Your relationships can also be improved by spend more quality time together—and the quality, not just the time, is what matters. In other words, sitting in the same room while everyone is on their phones is not likely to strengthen your connections with each other. On the other hand, activities like family dinner can be a great opportunity to connect if everyone is attentive and engaged. During the COVID-19 lockdowns in 2020, many families who spent mealtimes together reported greater closeness and positive experiences even in the midst of a global pandemic (Marks et al., 2023). The same was true for my family, and investing into our relationships provided happiness in an otherwise scary and uncertain time.
If you want to feel more satisfied with your life, lean into your relationships. Look for opportunities to help those around you. Strive to get to know others better, and prioritize quality time together. Those connections will add a sense of joy and fulfillment to life that will make the good days seem brighter and the bad days seem less burdensome. We are often tempted to think that more money, status, and power will lead to a happier life. However, forming connections and truly seeking the well-being of those around us unveils the irreplaceable value of our relationships, and we discover perhaps the greatest treasure of all: people.
“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”
References
Laurenceau, J.-P., Barrett, L. F., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (1998). Intimacy as an interpersonal process: The importance of self-disclosure, partner disclosure, and perceived partner responsiveness in interpersonal exchanges. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5), 1238–1251. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1238
Marks, L. D., Kelley, H. H., Dollahite, D. C., Kimball, E. R., & James, S. (2023). Family dinners and family relationships following the initial onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. Marriage & Family Review, 59(2), 95–120. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2022.2137874
Reis, H. T., Maniaci, M. R., & Rogge, R. D. (2014). The expression of compassionate love in everyday compassionate acts. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 31(5), 651–676. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407513507214
Schroeder, J., & Fishbach, A. (2024). Feeling known predicts relationship satisfaction. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 111, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2023.104559
Waldinger, R. (2015, November). What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness [Video]. TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness/transcript?language=en
Weingarten, G. (2007, April 8). Pearls Before Breakfast: Can one of the nation’s great musicians cut through the fog of a D.C. rush hour? Let’s find out. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/pearls-before-breakfast-can-one-of-the-nations-great-musicians-cut-through-the-fog-of-a-dc-rush-hour-lets-find-out/2014/09/23/8a6d46da-4331-11e4-b47c-f5889e061e5f_story.html