By Ruth Jack
A journal excerpt from seven years ago reads:
“Last night, I was awake half the night with a new baby. Today, I chased a toddler, ran elementary kids to gymnastics and soccer, navigated the emotions of a middle schooler, attended choir and orchestra concerts at the high school, helped my junior with math homework, encouraged my senior to apply for college scholarships, and led the parent drama board. Oh, and kept everyone fed.”
I was stressed. We all feel it. Most of us have said or heard the phrase, “I’m so stressed out!” Doctors, podcasters, and teachers constantly remind us how important it is to manage stress for our physical and mental health. When we think of stress, words like cortisol, anxiety, and pressure often come to mind.
Out of curiosity, I typed into Google: “What words are most commonly associated with stress?” Twenty-eight results came up and every single one had a negative connotation. Stress seems to have a bad reputation in our culture, something to avoid at all costs. But is this pessimism really accurate?
We all know what too much stress feels like; the racing heart, tight chest, nervous stomach, sleepless nights, and short temper (Cohen et al.; Yaribeygi et al., 2017). When we encounter a challenge, the body initiates a natural “stress response,” activating the sympathetic nervous system. Heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing increase, pupils dilate, and digestion slows as blood is redirected to the muscles (Epel et al., 2018; Gianaros & Wager, 2015). All of this prepares the body for action, which is beneficial when we need to focus, move, or respond quickly.
The problem arises when our modern lifestyles keep that system activated for too long. Unlike our ancestors, we often face ongoing psychological pressures that don’t resolve quickly. This chronic stress, or distress, is what gives stress its bad reputation.
Chronic stress can wear us down physically and emotionally. But not all stress is harmful. In fact, research shows that the right amount of stress can sharpen focus, increase motivation, and help us grow stronger and more resilient (Egan 2024). Stress isn’t always the enemy. It’s often the body’s way of preparing us to rise to a challenge.
Stress motivates us to act. It provides the energy to stay up late finishing a project or studying for an exam. It pushes us to perform at our best, persist toward our goals, and even strengthens social bonds when we face challenges together. In healthy doses, stress keeps us alert, focused, and engaged. As Steffen (2020) emphasized, the goal isn’t to eliminate stress but to harness its energy for productive outcomes and train the body to return to balance after activation.
Ideally, we use the energy from stressful situations to fuel productivity, and then guide the body back to a state of peace and calm. But how can we do that? One place to start is by becoming aware of and intentionally controlling our breathing. Slow, mindful breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the body’s “rest and digest” pathway (Laborde et al., 2022).
Breathing at a pace of around six breaths per minute, known as resonance breathing, helps maximize oxygen uptake and balance the nervous system. Practicing this paced breathing for just twenty minutes, twice a day, has been shown to improve both psychological and physical outcomes, including anxiety, depression, asthma, hypertension, and pain (Lehrer et al., 2020).
You may already know that relaxed breathing can help calm and reset the body when stress hits. But adding a daily breathing routine to train your body toward heart-lung coherence may be a new concept. The best part? It’s free and easy. There are dozens of breathing pacers available online to guide you. For example, BYU Counseling and Psychological Services offers one you can try here: https://caps.byu.edu/paced-breathing.
Increasing emotional resilience can also decrease stress levels. Our perception of stress matters, and everyone responds differently to the same stress. Physical and mental wellbeing decline more when an individual sees stress as a threat instead of a challenge (Keller et al., 2012; McLoughlin et al., 2024). Hans Selye, (1974) a pioneer in stress research, is attributed with saying “stress is not what happens to you, but how you react to it.”
Mindfulness training, such as the resources available at My Best Self 101, can improve emotional resilience and reduce the negative effects of stress (Ong, 2024). Meditation exercises, practicing self-compassion, and learning to embrace discomfort are just a few of the techniques offered, providing a strong starting point for anyone beginning a mindfulness practice. Being aware of your thoughts and consciously guiding them is a key aspect of mindful behavior, and it can significantly influence emotional resilience (Creswell et al., 2005; Orvell et al., 2020).
So, is stress a friend or foe? It all comes down to how you respond. When challenges arise, do you react on autopilot, or do you pause long enough to see what lesson or opportunity might be hiding inside the stress? The secret lies in how you train your mind and body to handle it. Daily practices like mindfulness, paced breathing, or simply taking a few quiet moments can transform the way you experience stress.
If you haven’t started yet, today is a great day to begin. After all, what have you got to lose—just the over in overstress?
“Stress is like spice – in the right proportion, it enhances the flavour of a dish. Too little produces a bland, dull meal; too much may choke you.”
References
Cohen, S., Gianaros, P. J., & Manuck, S. B. (2016). A stage model of stress and disease. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 11(4), 456–463. http://www.jstor.org/stable/26358637
Creswell, J. D., Welch, W. T., Taylor, S. E., Sherman, D. K., Gruenewald, T. L., & Mann, T. (2005). Affirmation of personal values buffers neuroendocrine and psychological stress responses. Psychological Science, 16(11), 846–851.
Egan, L. A., Park, H. R. P., Lam, J., & Gatt, J. M. (2024). Resilience to stress and adversity: A narrative review of the role of positive affect. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 17, 2011–2038. https://doi.org/10.2147/PRBM.S391403
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Orvell, A., Vickers, B. D., Drake, B., Verduyn, P., Ayduk, O., Moser, J., & Kross, E. (2020). Does distanced self-talk facilitate emotion regulation across a range of emotionally intense experiences? Clinical Psychological Science, 8(6), 1089–1108. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702620923577
Selye, H. (1974). Stress without distress. J. B. Lippincott.
Steffen, P. R., Fox, S., & Brown, B. (2020). Mindfulness and the middle way of stress reduction. In Mindfulness for Everyday Living: A Guide for Mental Health Practitioners (pp. 1–9). Springer International Publishing.
Yaribeygi, H., Panahi, Y., Sahraei, H., Johnston, T. P., & Sahebkar, A. (2017). The impact of stress on body function: A review. EXCLI Journal, 16, 1057–1072. https://doi.org/10.17179/excli2017-480