By Andrea Hunsaker
“Trust the goodness that is already here, the love and awareness that we long for is already within us. It’s not something we have to achieve, but something we return to.”
Inside the Accademia Gallery of Florence in Italy my husband and I shuffled shoulder to shoulder like cattle moving our way toward our goal. We had gotten tickets months in advance and were among the thousands of tourists each day wanting to see it with our own eyes. We turned the corner and there, over the heads of the herd at the end of a wide corridor lined with other sculptures by the great Michealangelo, I saw it. Considering the number of people, it was almost eerie how quiet it became the closer we got to the masterpiece. David commanded an awe and reverence as we took him in. He really is elegant. I’ll never forget how I felt seeing the famed David my art teachers had raved about. I remember the stories they told of how the slab of marble had been rejected by other master sculptors as flawed and too narrow, but Michealangelo had seen something they didn’t. They told us how someone had once asked him how he created his masterpieces, specifically about an angel he had sculpted. His answer is profound:
“I saw the angel in the marble, and I carved until I set him free.”
He didn’t say he made something out of nothing. He didn’t say he created something good out of something bad.
He said the angel was already there--he just removed what was covering it.
That is so powerful to me. Because, as my work as a Licensed Professional Counselor has taught me, that is why so many of us suffer. Because we believe that we are fundamentally flawed and need to be fixed or improved or proven. But what if, at our core, we are each already a masterpiece. Already enough. Already whole. Already worthy. And simply need to be uncovered. What would change for you if you actually believed that?
The coverings are many. The stone is our conditioned self—layered with fear, self-doubt, judgement, and limiting beliefs. These are the ways we have learned to hide and protect ourselves. Perfectionism, people pleasing, self criticism, other criticism, shame, the pressure to do more, achieve something great. Anything we think we need to be to earn respect and love—these are our coverings. But we’ve spent so much time with our coverings we’ve forgotten the angel and believe we are the slab.
Here is one way to start chipping away:
Unblending
One of my favorite perspectives comes from Internal Family Systems, a therapy that recognizes that each of us is made up of many “parts” at the center of which is our “core Self”—a calm, compassionate, wise presence that can heal and lead the system (Schwartz & Sweezy, 2019). I like to use the analogy of the core Self as driving a bus with the parts in the back, sometimes shouting out directions, or even kicking the core Self out of the driver's seat and taking over for a while. Our first task is to recognize the difference between the core Self and a part.
Let’s take shame for example. Feelings of shame represent a part of you, not all of you. Chris Germer, clinical psychologist and co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, describes shame as one of the most painful human emotions rooted in the belief that we are unworthy of love and belonging because we are bad, flawed or not enough. Germer teaches that when a baby is born, he has two jobs: to breathe, and to get someone to love him. As social beings we have a deep evolutionary need to be loved and accepted. The wish to be loved is an innocent human quality. A good quality. If you don’t wish to be loved, that makes you a sociopath. Shame, therefore, is the other side of the coin of the wish to be loved (Germer, 2009). Think of it, when you feel shame, the very existence of it reflects the good, innocent longing to belong. Shame is not a failure, but the covering for our humanity. If we can turn toward shame with mindfulness and self-compassion instead of judgement, we can recognize we are not the shame, but the wish for connection underneath it. In the language of Internal Family Systems, we call this “unblending”.
Notice the part “I feel shame right now”. Notice how it feels and where it lives in your body. Allow it to be there without vilifying it.
Acknowledge it as a part of you, not all of you. You might find a name for it (the inner critic, the fearful child, the never good enough part). Imagine what it might look like, what it’s saying, how it’s voice might sound. Are there memories attached to this part? Help the part feel seen and understood. “Hey, I see you. I know you’re trying to help. Thank you for trying to protect me from disconnection. I know you are a signal of my wish to be loved.”
Create Space between you (Self) and the part. Step back and observe that feeling as a part. Be aware of the difference between the thoughts and the feelings of the shame and the Self that is witnessing them, the awareness, the presence noticing the shame. “Can you step back just a little and trust me to drive the bus? I want the same things you want”
What a game changer to recognize that all our parts have good intentions to protect us from pain. The angel within, the core of who we really are, is whole, radiant, and worthy. Our task isn’t to become something we are not, but to remove the layers of protections and misunderstanding about ourselves that conceal what’s already there. May we trust the essence of who we are—our compassion, creativity, courage, awareness—that is already present. It’s not about becoming whole, but trusting that we already are.
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“If you don’t become the ocean, you’ll be seasick every day.”
References
Germer, C.K. (2009). The mindful path to self compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thought and emotions. Guilford Press.
Schwartz, R.C. & Sweezy, M. (2019). Internal family systems therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.