Developing Optimism

And now we’ve come to the good part. Of course no one wants to be a miserable pessimist, but how do you tip the scales toward a brighter outlook? If only it were as easy as flipping a switch. It’s not. Neuroscience research suggests that we don’t control every thought that pops up in our awareness. We have brains that are wired to keep us alive, wired for preservation and protection. Just as the heart’s job is to pump blood to keep us alive, the brain’s job is to pump thoughts to keep us alive. It supplies true thoughts, distorted thoughts, helpful thoughts, unhelpful thoughts, optimistic thoughts, pessimistic thoughts. These come during all hours of the day, and even in our dreams. 

But here’s something crucial to remember: you are not your thoughts. The idea that there is a single self authoring every thought is an illusion. In a sense, there is a whole noisy committee of people up there in your noggin’, each part representing different needs, worries and beliefs. What pops out is the loudest committee member at the time. Which, often for many of us, is the one shouting, “You’re stupid. And this is hopeless”.  

Shifting to optimism is not about a simple choice of deciding once and for all to flip a switch to a positive outlook. It’s not even deciding every morning as you roll out of bed to look for silver linings today. It’s more like driving a car with a misalignment that is steering over into the gully of fear and negativity, and if you want to drive straight, you’ll need to learn to consistently make the effort to pull the wheel back to center—thought after thought, moment after moment.  

To be clear, optimism is not suppressing negative thoughts and feelings. That would be detrimental. Instead of trying to push away negative thoughts, imagine sitting back and watching your positive and negative thoughts and feelings as if they were weather in the sky; taking shape, forming into something new, sometimes bright, sometimes stormy, eventually dispersing or passing through. Imagine yourself as a curious, compassionate scientist observing your thoughts. We can know that these pessimistic thoughts are there, notice them as they come, make space for them, but if we don’t feed them, eventually they will fade to the background on their own.  

While we can’t always choose our thoughts, we can choose where to direct our attention. That’s what you are–the spotlight operator of your attention. Practicing this spotlight control—scanning the inner stage and directing the spotlight on those things that serve you—builds new neurological pathways and overtime molds the direction of our thoughts that come up. This is how optimism is developed and how it becomes second nature. 

The Science Behind Changing Your Brain 

The brain’s ability to change is called neuroplasticity. Under the right conditions, the form of the brain can be reshaped to new uses. Neuroplasticity means that our brains are physically changed by the information that goes through it. We can use self-directed neuroplasticity to focus attention on those things that support us and over time change our circuitry. This means that not only can the architecture of your brain be redesigned, but the architect can be YOU.  

Positivity expert Barbara Fredrickson (2009) explains that “we have tremendous influence over who we are becoming”. The traditional Buddhist saying, “The mind takes the shape of what it rests upon” means that we become what we repeatedly pay attention to.  Fredrickson suggests that our habitual patterns of thought are pivotal. We increase optimism by intentionally pausing to noticing the good in everyday moments: admire a blooming tree, appreciate a friend’s good intentions. Even painful circumstances are rarely 100% bad. Researchers studying bereavement have found that people who experience at least some positive feelings when experiencing loss—like remembering the good qualities of their lost loved one and being grateful for the care of those still present— recover more quickly from grief (Fredrickson, 2009). 

One powerful way to cultivate optimism is through Mindfulness—a skill developed by focusing on the present moment with openness and curiosity. Remember the left/right brain activity differences discussed earlier? One study assigned one group of people to begin a practice of mindfulness meditation and another to a control group. Both groups were tested before and after the study by wearing a cap that monitored their brain activity. Those who meditated had increased brain activity in the left side immediately after the training and sustained the activity four months later. Remember that activity in the left side is linked to greater positivity (Fredrickson, 2009; Lybomirsky, 2008). That’s fabulous news for those of us born with a more right-leaning brain. We can meditate our way to optimism. 

Another route to optimism is through Savoring—fully immersing yourself in life’s good moments. Take the simple act of preparing a meal: slow down and notice the scent of a green pepper as you chop, the background hum of loved ones nearby, the sparkle of water in the sink. Fredrickson (2007) notes that optimists savor the good things in their lives before, during and after the fact. They look forward to it, drink it in while it’s happening, and afterward replay it in their minds. “That was so wonderful”. People who savor extract more positivity from life, relish it, and deeply appreciate each of its facets (Fredrickson, 2007). With savoring, the good gets even better, and the brain builds stronger pathways toward optimism. 

Self-Compassion is another pathway to optimism. With self-compassion we can more skillfully cope with the negative thoughts and harsh criticism our brains feed us. With a healthy awareness of thoughts and emotions and the ability to give ourselves the kindness and acceptance we need to move through a challenge, we have reason to be optimistic because we know we can count on ourselves for comfort whenever we need it. We dwell less on perceived flaws or failures and recover more quickly from setbacks. With self-compassion, the future is bright. 

Psychotherapy offers several methods of dealing with pessimistic thoughts and feelings and learning how to handle your spotlight. In the next section, we’ll introduce a few of our favorites: 

The Four Steps 

Jeffrey Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding (2012), authors of an excellent book You Are Not Your Brain, provide a 4-step program for separating yourself from deceptive brain messages and changing unhealthy thinking habits: 

Step 1: ReLABEL 

Be aware of your negative thoughts as they occur. Call them what they are. Identify deceptive brain messages, uncomfortable sensations (strong desires that cause you to act in unhealthy ways for momentary pleasure or relief) or habits of action or inaction. Become aware of thoughts without becoming caught up in them. Label the thought or emotion:  

“This is anxiety.”  

“This is my brain craving something sweet.”  

“This is a fear of rejection”  

Step 2: ReFRAME 

Next, create some distance between you and your brain’s automatic messages. Separate yourself from your brain. Challenge the importance or accuracy of the thought. Reframe it by saying things like: 

“This isn’t me—it’s just my brain.” 

“I’m feeling rejected—this is social pain, not a reflection of my worth.” 

“That’s a thinking error, not reality.” 

 Step 3: ReFOCUS 

While the uncomfortable thoughts or feelings are still present, gently shift your attention to a meaningful or constructive activity. You are not ignoring or distracting yourself from the uncomfortable sensations, you allow yourself to experience them while you focus attention on a wholesome activity. Try: 

• Going for a walk 

• Calling a friend 

• Meditating 

• Doing something aligned with your values  

Step 4: ReVALUE 

Finally, learn to clearly see the thoughts, urges, and impulses for what they are: sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that have little value. You don’t need to believe them or act on them. Instead use your Wise Advocate to guide you—a caring voice inside that advocates for your true self and sees your situation from a clear perspective (Schwartz & Gladding, 2012).  

Here is a brief explanation of the four steps by the author of “You are not Your Brain”: 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers practical tools to help change negative thought patterns. The idea behind CBT is simple but powerful: It’s not what happens to us that causes distress—it’s what we believe about what happens.  

Because emotions are difficult to change directly, CBT works by targeting the thoughts (cognitions) and behaviors that contribute to difficult emotions. Over time, it retrains the mind to think in more helpful patterns, lessening the suffering caused by self-defeating, negative thoughts.  

With practice, distorted thoughts are replaced with more accurate, optimistic thoughts, which result in more positive feelings. While a trained therapist can guide you along this process, these are also skills that can be practiced on your own. 

This video explains the premise of CBT: 

CBT begins with the ABC’s  

One of the founders of CBT, Albert Ellis, emphasized that it is not what happens to us (A = Activating Event) that causes negative thoughts and feelings, but rather that a person interprets these events unrealistically and therefore has irrational beliefs (B = Belief) that lead to negative consequences (C = Consequence). Thus, the ABC model: 

A = Activating Event (e.g., I didn’t get the job I applied for) 

B = Belief (e.g., I’m a failure) 

C = Consequence (e.g., I feel miserable, have low motivation, binge on ice-cream and Netflix for a week) 

By examining the belief (B), we can ask: “Is this really true?”  

No one fails at everything. Is there evidence that you are actually not a failure? What are some examples of when have you succeeded in this area? How about successes in other areas? Are there other explanations besides you being a failure for why you didn’t get the job?  

With more realistic and compassionate beliefs (thoughts), the effect is you end up bouncing back more quickly. 

A = Activating Event (e.g., I didn’t get the job I applied for) 

B = Belief (True, it would have been great to get this job. But I still have my current job that I do well, so I’m not actually a complete failure. I’m also an awesome cook, have skills on the court, and make my family a priority. So overall, I’m a good person. I was one of many candidates— just because the interviewers chose someone else, doesn’t mean they didn’t value me. Timing, the economy, and the company’s needs all factor in too.) 

C = Consequence (Feel better about myself, have more motivation to look for other opportunities.) 

Often, more than one distorted belief contributes to our emotional distress in any given situation. A mix of irrational thoughts often play into negative feelings. CBT professionals have identified lists of common cognitive distortions and ways to dispute them. Learn them like (better than) you learned your multiplication facts, and you’ll be in a good position to reduce needless self-defeating thinking.  

Example: Cognitive Distortions in Action 

Here’s an example of multiple distortions coming into play:

Andrea got stuck in traffic on her way to a team presentation. Sitting at a standstill, she felt angry, embarrassed, and afraid of her colleagues’ judgment.

She asked herself, “What thought is going through my mind to cause me to feel this way?” 

Her thoughts included: 

• “I should have left earlier and looked up a better route. I was stupid.” 

• “My team is going to think I’m irresponsible.” “They think I’m a flake.” 

• “They are judgmental.” 

• “I have to be flawless.” 

• “I’m going to be responsible for the presentation’s failure.” 

Here are the cognitive distortions at play and how to challenge them: 

1. Labeling - Describing yourself or others using global, negative labels, making judgements about one’s character or name calling.  

“I was stupid.” “They are judgmental.” 

—>Disputation - Instead of assigning global labels, identify specific behaviors that you or others could change in order to function more effectively.  

“I couldn’t have known this route would be under construction. I’m not stupid, I did everything a rational person would do. My team hasn’t shown evidence of being ruthless. I would give a person the benefit of the doubt if they were caught in traffic, chances are they will too.”  

2. Should Statements - Focusing on how things or people “should” be. Treating your own standards as rules that everyone must live by. “I should have left earlier.” “I have to be flawless.”

—>Disputation - Think of the benefits vs. the costs of applying these “shoulds” or “musts” to yourself or others. Consider relaxing these rigid standards if the costs outweigh the benefits. “I actually did leave earlier than normal and plugged in a route, but the construction wasn’t on there. I don’t have to be flawless, no human is flawless. That’s not realistic and causes me undo stress.”

3. Mind Reading - Jumping to conclusions about another person’s thoughts, feelings or intentions. “My team is going to think I am irresponsible.” “They think I’m a flake.”

—>Disputation - Either accept that you don’t really know what’s in other people’s heads or ask them directly about their thoughts or feelings. “I really don’t know that they think I’m irresponsible. I’ve actually been the person who has turned in my work first on this team, so there’s no reason for them to think I’m a flake. I can’t read their minds.”

4. Personalizing - Telling yourself that events relate to you when they may not. “I am going to be responsible for the presentation’s failure.”

—>Disputation - Imagine a stranger objectively observing the situation you are personalizing. Would the stranger conclude that you alone were responsible? If not, consider what this means about your conclusions. “First, I can’t control the traffic. It’s not a reflection on me. And second, the presentation will start late, but I alone don’t control the outcome. My team all contributed and the people listening will have their own perspectives that affect how they recieve it. It’s not all on me.” 

With these more accurate thoughts about the situation, Andrea’s angry, embarrassed and fearful feeling diminishes, and now when she arrives at the presentation she can present with confidence from a more positive, optimistic outlook.

Getting to know the common cognitive distortions that most of us run into and how to dispute them is the essence of successfully improving mood and increasing optimism. 

Here you’ll find a list of common cognitive distortions: https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/

And here are some tools to dispute irrational thinking:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/fixing-cognitive-distortions/

Since it takes repetition and practice to change long held thinking patterns, another helpful tool that you can carry with you on your phone is this CBT app:

Moodnotes - Thought Journal / Mood Diary 

Description: Capture your mood and improve your thinking habits through an innovative approach to journaling! Moodnotes empowers you to track your mood over time, avoid common thinking traps, and develop perspectives associated with increased happiness and well-being.

We also highly recommend reading Feeling Good, by David Burns. It’s a helpful handbook to learn to recognize and dispute self-defeating, irrational thinking.

In this video, David Burns powerfully tells how he learned of CBT, how he uses it himself, and his reasons behind writing the book Feeling Good, a manual for people learning to use CBT. (Start at 2:37)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

If learning to be optimistic were a video game, ACT would be something of a cheat code, or, more accurately, an “out of the box” playing strategy. Instead of attempting to gun down your opponent (negative thoughts and feelings) to win the game, you make friends with him, neutralizing him by changing his status from enemy to neutral. For Westerners it’s somewhat of a radical idea, but what if instead of trying to change your negative thoughts, you just changed your definition of negative—just took the word out of your vocabulary? It’s not good or bad, it just is. Let us explain:

Accept thoughts and feelings, Choose directions, Take action

1. Accept thoughts and feelings - By not attempting to eliminate or change them, by not acting on them, and ultimately letting them go. With mindful exercises a person learns to live with a critical, evaluative mind. 

2. Choose directions - Identify what really matters to you and choose to go forward in a direction that is aligned with your goals. The C could also stand for Connecting with your values (Harris, 2008). Focus on what’s inside—your core desires.

3. Take action - Change what can be changed. Learn there is a difference between you as a person, and the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself, and what you do with your life. You have the power to move in valued directions even while feeling and thinking uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.

ACT aims to help people accept themselves and others with compassion, connect with their values, and commit to action that leads them in the direction they want for their lives. Where CBT trains a person to change thoughts and feelings, in ACT it’s okay to have those unwanted thoughts and feelings. We simply observe them and let them pass through on their own without reacting to them. Using CBT you might notice after disputing an irrational thought that negative feelings are diminished but not extinguished. It might work for you to practice disputing irrational thoughts and also use ACT to accept the residual uncomfortable leftovers. Research shows that both ACT and CBT are comparably effective in treating anxiety disorders and depression (Arch et al., 2012). We encourage you to experiment for yourself to find the best way for you to relate to your thoughts and feelings. 

In their book Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety Disorders, authors George Eifert and John Forsyth (2005) explain that suffering is part of the human experience. Thoughts and feelings are with us wherever we go, we can’t avoid them and we can’t completely rid ourselves of them. They are part of us. If we can learn to relate to them as just a part of living—simply experiences—without attaching a label of positive or negative, we can foster acceptance of unwanted thoughts and feelings who’s occurrence or disappearance we often can’t control. When we are willing to experience the full range of human emotion, instead of aiming to feel good, we focus on becoming good at feeling; Becoming good at feeling a full range of private experiences for what they are.

Author Jonathan Haidt (2006).of The Happiness Hypothesis explains that inside each of us is an incessant ‘like-o-meter’, judging everything we encounter as something we like or dislike, good or bad, grasping or rejecting. When we understand our inherent negative filters, we start to realize our judgements are actually not that accurate. Acceptance trains us to see situations, thoughts and feelings without placing those good and bad labels on them, letting experience just be experience. We can learn to be open to “what is” without contaminating the experience with evaluations, justifications, and reasons for what ought to be. No bad label on an experience = no bad feeling about it. In ACT we don’t try to reduce pain, though often reduced suffering is a byproduct of ACT because it also boosts our ability to do what we want with our lives. Our positivity ratio is increased and optimism raised. The serenity creed is a fitting motto for ACT:

“Accept with serenity what you cannot change, have the courage to change what you can, and develop the wisdom to know the difference”.

Eifert and Forsyth (2005) assert that giving up the struggle to change what cannot be changed for the sake of promoting change in the domains of life where change is possible is empowering. Ultimately it’s about choice: choosing to honestly assess how one has lived up to this point, some of which might be painful, and then choosing to make the commitment to act differently and consistently with what one values. It is an ongoing, everyday choice. Acceptance on one day may not carry over to the next. ACTIVE acceptance is a process that is a repeated spiral of continuing acceptance and change.

ACT utilizes Vipassana (insight) meditation, which pays attention to experiences as they are with a clear awareness of exactly what is happening as it happens. Using meditation, a person observes and attends to the changing field of thought, feelings and sensations from moment to moment. Imagining themselves as a neutral scientist, they adopt an attitude of curiosity, openness, acceptance and compassion to their own experiences in the present moment. Try the ACT meditation from Acceptance and Commitment therapy for Anxiety Disorders, by Georg H. Eifert, John P. Forsyth (2005) in the strategies menu.

And if you’d like to learn more about ACT also try these books:

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT by Russ Harris

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Steven C. Hayes and Spencer Smith