Optimism Strategies Menu
1. Best Possible Selves Diary - This strategy was first developed by Laura King in 2001 and has since been the subject of much research indicating that those who do it experience greater optimism, positive emotions and physical health (Lovell et al., 2016). Imagine where you will be 5 or 10 years from now. Visualize a future where you have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing your life goals. Everything has turned out exactly the way you wanted. You have achieved your best possible life in your relationships, career, and living situation. Now spend 20 minutes writing about what you imagined. Do this at least 3 times a week for 4 weeks. Writing about your dreams helps you to organize your thoughts, see the big picture, and provides you with a feeling of control. It can help you understand what your goals really are and realize that they are attainable.
2. Explanatory Style Practice - Visualize a recent negative event you experienced. How would a pessimist react to the event? Think of the event from a pessimist explanatory style (permanent, universal, personal). Now think of the same negative event from an optimistic perspective (temporary, specific, external). Do the same for a recent positive event you experienced, thinking about the event from both a pessimistic and an optimistic perspective. For positive events the thinking styles are switched. Which perspective did you take at the time these events actually occurred? Does thinking in this way lead you to what you want in life? If there was pessimistic thinking, try on an optimistic explanatory view. For 2 weeks keep a record of events and how you explain them practicing thinking in optimistic ways. Use this practice worksheet:
3. Practice using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Print out the list of common distorted thoughts and ways to dispute them and post it where you can see and memorize them. Using the tools given in the previous section, when you catch yourself having a pessimistic thought, refer to the list of common cognitive distortions and see which may apply. Then practice disputing them (“What evidence do I have that this is really true?”, “What are other, more positive and realistic ways of thinking about this?”). Download and use the app, Moodnotes, as a resource.
4. Practice the HEAL method. Psychologist Rick Hanson introduces a method in his book, Hardwiring Happiness, that strengthens neural pathways of optimistic thinking, and counteracts a brain wired to take in the bad. For 2 weeks go through these steps of savoring good experiences at least 3 times/day to build a more positive brain:
Have a good experience - Notice the good experiences you have each day or create one by remembering it. It can be a simple physical pleasure like taking a drink of water, taking in the awe of a beautiful sunray through the clouds, or a feeling of gratitude toward a fellow human.
Enrich it - Stay with the feeling for 5-10 seconds or longer, feeling it in your body and looking for novel ways to think about it.
Absorb it - Sense that the feeling is sinking down into you and becoming part of you. Choose a visualization like golden dust sinking into you and filling painful holes.
Link positive and negative material - As an optional step, you can hold the positive feeling in the foreground of your mind while also being aware of negative material in the background. This creates a neural link with positive and negative material, soothing old hurts. If you begin to get hijacked by the negative material, drop it and solely focus on the positive.
Hanson (2013) describes his method by using the analogy of building a fire. The first step ignites it, the second adds fuel to it, and in the third step we feel its warmth sinking in. The optional fourth step helps the brain associate positive and negative material reducing and potentially replacing the negative. Read Hardwiring Happiness to learn more about building optimism in the brain.
Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence (2013) by Rick Hanson
5. Practice this ACT meditation from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety Disorders, 2005, by Georg H. Eifert, John P. Forsyth once a day for 2 weeks:
“Get in a comfortable position in your chair. Sit upright with your feet flat on the floor, your arms and legs uncrossed, and your hands resting in your lap (palms up or down, whichever is more comfortable). Allow your eyes to close gently.
Take a few moments to get in touch with the movement of your breath and the sensations in your body. Bring your awareness to the physical sensations in your body, especially to the sensations of touch or pressure where your body meets the chair or floor.
Now, slowly bring your attention to the gentle rising and falling of your breath on your chest and belly. Like ocean waves coming in and out, your breath is always there. Notice it’s rhythm in your body. Notice each breath. Focus on each inhale...and exhale. Notice the changing patterns in your belly as you breathe in and breathe out.
There is no need to try to control your breathing in any way--simply let the breath breathe itself. As best you can, also bring this attitude of generous allowing and gentle acceptance to the rest of your experience. There is nothing to be fixed, no particular state to be achieved. As best you can, simply allow your experience to be your experience, without needing it to be anything other than what it is.
Sooner or later your mind will wander away from the breath to other concerns, thoughts, worries, images, bodily sensations, planning, or daydreams, or it may just drift along. This is what minds do much of the time. When you notice that your mind has wandered, gently congratulate yourself--you have come back and are once more aware of your experience! You may want to acknowledge briefly where your mind has been (ah, there’s thinking or there’s feeling). Then gently escort your attention back to the sensation of your breath coming in and going out. As best you can, bring a quality of kindness and compassion to your awareness, perhaps seeing the repeated wanderings of your mind as opportunities to bring patience and gentle curiosity your experience.
If you become aware of bodily sensations and feelings or tension in a particular part of your body, just notice them, acknowledge their presence, and see if you can make space for them. Don’t try to hold on to them or make them go away. See if you can open your heart and make room for discomfort, just allowing it to be there. Is there enough space within you to welcome all of your experience?
Watch the sensations change from moment to moment. Sometimes they grow stronger, sometimes they stay the same, and sometimes they grow weaker—it does not matter. Breathe calmly into and out from the sensations of discomfort. Remember your intention is not to feel better, but to get better at feeling. If you ever notice that you are unable to focus on your breathing because of intense physical sensations of discomfort in your body, let go of your focus on your breath and shift your focus to the place of discomfort. Gently direct your attention on and into the discomfort and stay with it, no matter how bad it seems. Take a look at it. What does it really feel like? Again, see if you can make room for the discomfort and allow it to be there. Are you willing to be with whatever you have?
Along with physical sensations in your body, you may also notice thoughts about the sensations and thoughts about the thoughts. You may notice your mind coming up with evaluative labels such as “bad” or “getting worse”. If that happens, you can thank your mind for the label and return to your experience as it is, not as your mind says it is, noticing thoughts as thoughts, feelings as feelings, and physical sensations as physical sensations—nothing more, nothing less.
To help you experience the difference between yourself and your thoughts and feelings, you can name thoughts and feelings as you notice them. For instance, if you notice you are worrying, silently say to yourself, “Worry...there is worry’” just observing worry and not judging yourself for having these thoughts and feelings. If you find yourself judging, just notice it and call it, “Judging...there is judging” and observe that with a quality of kindness and compassion. You can do the same with other thoughts and feelings and just name them as planning, reminiscing, longing, or whatever you experience. Label the thought or emotion and move on. Thoughts and feelings come and go in your mind and body. You are not what those thoughts and feelings say, no matter how persistent or intense they may be.
As we near the end of this practice, gradually widen your attention to take in the sounds around you...notice your surroundings and slowly open your eyes with the intention to bring this awareness to the present moment and into the upcoming moments of the day.”²⁰
6. Here’s a simple strategy from Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap to create space between you and your thoughts. When having an upsetting thought, for example: “I’m not good enough”, try inserting before the thought the phrase, “I’m having the thought that...I’m not good enough”. Notice what this does. Did the thought lose some of its power? Were you able to step back from the thought and create some distance? You might also try the phrase, “I’m telling myself the story that…” Other strategies Harris suggests are to sing your thoughts to tunes like “Happy Birthday” or “Jingle Bells”, or to speak them in silly voices like Donald Duck. These strategies help to defuse their influence and take thoughts less seriously.¹⁸
7. Often our negative thoughts are directed at others. Byron Katie outlines 4 questions to ask ourselves when challenging these judgmental thoughts:
Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Katie guides individuals through the contemplative work to investigate the truth of these judgements by turning the statement around and finding truth in the opposite statement.
“Paul should understand me” turns around to “I should understand me”, “I should understand Paul”, and “Paul shouldn’t understand me”. Finding genuine examples where the turnaround is true allows a person to discover alternative ways of thinking that will broaden perspective and bring peace. Her website www.thework.com contains free worksheets and videos to do the work of investigating the truth of our judgements toward others.
8. Remember the Disney movie Inside Out? It is a great illustration to the way we all come in parts. Have you ever thought, “Part of me wants to stay home, but another part wants to go to the party”? When we recognize the committee of conflicting voices within us as parts of a whole, we can more easily appreciate and accept our whole selves while taking direction from the parts that promote what we value. What do you imagine your critical, negative, alarm raising, pessimist part looks like? Give him, her or them a face and a voice (Darth Vader, a cartoon witch, a jittery piglet, or a wary caveman). Try drawing or printing out a picture of your inner critic and writing around the edges of your paper some of the things you hear from them. “You are not going to get this job, you are wasting your time.” “You are not funny.” “You can’t handle this.” Recognize that your inner critic is mostly leftover evolution trying to help you survive from an earlier, more dangerous time. Recognize they are coming from a place of fear. They are only trying to protect you, trying to keep you safe. Imagine them as an overly worried guardian, as a Chicken Little who can’t stop pointing out potential problems, or a car alarm that no one is turning off making noise in the parking lot. Thank them for their input. Thank them for caring about you and trying to protect you. Then move forward in a valued direction even while they jabber in the background. On your paper write your responses next to your critics’ comments. “Thank you, but even if I don’t get the job, it is good for me to apply.” “I don’t have anything to lose by trying.” “I can handle the small, temporary disappointment.” “Don’t worry, I am strong.” In addition to an inner critic, you also have an inner guide; a wise, supportive friend who speaks out for your long-term best interest. Schwartz and Gladding call this inner guide your “Wise Advocate”. The Wise Advocate is compassionate, nurturing and supportive, sees you as you really are, and helps you live according to your true self. (Schwartz & Gladding, 2011, p. 7). On another sheet of paper draw or print out a picture of what your wise advocate might look like. You can use several images that evoke a supportive voice (Dumbledore, Yoda, an encouraging teacher, parent or grandparent, or a loving spiritual figure like Jesus or the Buddah). Sit for a moment and tap into your inner guide. Around your picture write the phrases that you hear from your Wise Advocate.
9. It is normal to have some level of stress about future events, but when that worry is excessive and we start to tip into pessimistic outlooks Rick Hanson suggests 3 questions we can ask ourselves to calm our fears and see the future in more optimistic terms. When you find yourself feeling anxiety about a future event write down what it is you are fearing and the answers to the questions below:
What is the likelihood that the feared event will actually happen? The likelihood that your airplane would crash would be very low, .000005%, whereas you might estimate your chance of not liking a new haircut you are considering at 50%. Simply estimating the chances of a feared future event can ease some anxiety.
If the feared event did happen, how bad would it really be? The plane crash would be 100% bad (although do we really even know that death is bad?). But the bad haircut probably isn’t as big a deal when we quantify it. Let’s say we rate it 30% bad. We might not like it and struggle when we look in the mirror for a few months, but it won’t be a big factor in the grand scheme of things. When thinking about this, take into account the pleasures in your life that would stay the same. If, for example, you lost your sight, you could still listen to music and audio books, eat a delicious meal, and laugh with friends. Humans overestimate their expected emotional reactions to adverse future events. Patients afflicted with a range of medical conditions report more pleasure and a much higher quality of life than healthy people predict they would have if they too had those conditions (Sharot, 2011).
If the event happened, what resources do you have to deal with it? In the event of an airplane crash, a person might have spiritual resources to support them in the moments before impact, or the memory of a life well lived and loved ones loved. In the event of a bad haircut, a person might lean on supportive friends, an inner sense of purpose and worth that overpowers physical appearance, the knowledge that it is temporary, the option to find another stylist to fix it, or the memory of the last time you got a bad haircut and you got through it with minimal scars. In the heat of our anxieties, we often underestimate our strengths and resources to effectively deal with and overcome challenges. One of those strengths is the brain’s ability to adapt and create new capabilities to compensate for those lost. For example, those who lose their sight develop more sensitive hearing and tactile senses. And emotional human resilience can be surprising. Paraplegics report similar life enjoyment levels as healthy individuals only a year after their accidents, and divorcees bounce back to previous levels of well-being two years after the end of their marriages (Sharot, 2011).