Wherever You Are, Be There

The human brain is wired to seek out novelty, stimulation, and opportunity. Just beneath the surface of our awareness, the mind is constantly evaluating what’s happening and asking, “Is this interesting? Could this be good for me?” If the present moment is judged to be uninteresting or not rewarding enough, the mind quickly searches for something better. 

This default tendency to seek something better isn’t inherently bad—it helped our ancestors survive and has contributed to human achievement and progress. However, the habitual urge to look beyond the present can lead us to miss out on valuable experiences. 

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.

And then I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work.

And then I was dying to retire.

And now, I am dying...

And suddenly realize I forgot to live.

- Anonymous -

Similarly, we miss out on the present when we spend too much time ruminating on the past. While reminiscing can be pleasurable and reflection can be a useful learning tool, it’s easy to slip into an unhelpful spiral: “Why did I say that? Did I make a fool of myself? I wonder if I just blew that job interview?” 

By getting better at noticing the mind’s tendency to drift into the past or future creates more opportunities to truly experience what the present moment has to offer. And with more mindful moments come more opportunities for growth, joy, connection, gratitude, meaning, and flourishing. 

Watch the following video and simply pay attention to what comes up for you:

Now reflect: What did you notice? What came up for you as you watched? Did you notice your mind having certain reactions or making judgements about any of the scenes?  Did you notice if some were clearly pleasant, unpleasant, interesting, uninteresting, or neutral? 

Learning to pay attention to what’s happening right now, bringing an open curiosity to whatever is there, and not needing it to be different—that’s the heart of mindfulness. In embracing the present, we learn,  As Tolstoy emphasized, the present moment is the only one in which we have any power.  

Another important reason to get better at paying attention to the present moment is that a wandering mind tends to be an unhappy mind. In a fascinating study published in the journal Science (2010), Matt Killingsworth and Dan Gilbert used a smartphone app to send numerous random alerts to thousands of participants to learn more about their activities, moods, and where their minds were at the moment. Strikingly, they learned that people’s minds were wandering an average of 47% of the time, and that people reported being much less happy when their minds were wandering than when their attention was focused on what they were doing. Importantly, this held true across all different types of activities; even for a typically unenjoyable activity like commuting to work, people reported feeling happier when they were focused only on their commute than when their minds were drifting away to something else. Furthermore, the study’s results indicated that mind-wandering preceded unhappiness, not vice-versa. You can learn more about the details of this interesting study here, and you can even try out the same mobile app used in their research at www.trackyourhappiness.org.

Another compelling reason to stay present: a wandering mind tends to be an unhappy mind. In a fascinating study published in Science (2010), Matt Killingsworth and Dan Gilbert used a smartphone app to send random alerts to thousands of participants, asking what they were doing, how they felt, and where their minds were at the present moment. Remarkably, they found that people’s minds were wandering an average of  47% of the time—and that people reported being significantly less happy when their minds wandered than when they were focused on what they were doing. This was true across all types of activities, even unenjoyable ones like commuting. Notably, the findings suggested that mind-wandering preceded unhappiness, not the other way around. You can explore the study and even try out the same mobile app at www.trackyourhappiness.org. 

Why does mind-wandering lead to unhappiness? Likely because of the brain’s built-in negativity bias. When our attention drifts, it often settles on potential threats or unresolved problems. Neuroscientists study this using functional MRI to observe interconnected brain regions called the default mode network (DMN)—a network associated with self-referential thinking, including potential threats to self. Higher DMN activity is linked to increased anxiety and distress. When the brain is unoccupied, it tends to slip into “sentry mode,” scanning for what might go wrong. Fortunately, studies have shown that mindfulness practices reduce activity in the DMN, thereby increasing a person’s general sense of wellbeing. 

No wonder so many of us try to stay busy all the time—without some mental “retraining,” an idle mind can be an uncomfortable place to hang out! But which sounds like a better life: feverishly trying to stay occupied so you can avoid the distress lurking in your brain, or learning to pay attention to what’s actually happening moment-to-moment, appreciating and savoring the depth available even in the “ordinary” scenes of life? By learning to really “be” wherever we are, we’ll be able to look back on a life fully lived and set ourselves up for a best possible future, because we’ve learned to make the most of every moment. 

So how do you get better at “being” wherever you are? A great place to start is by paying closer attention to your body’s sensory experiences. In the next section, we’ll show you how.