Living Your Values

By now you should know the importance of having values and a little bit on how to define them. But…where do you go from here? Maybe you thought you were done once you figured out your values. But what good are values if you don’t apply them to our lives? 

James Clear (2018), author of Atomic Habits, paints a good picture for us about the importance of living our values.

“Your habits shape your identity and your identity shapes your habits. It’s a two-way street. [Values are]the formation of all feedback loops…, but it’s important to let your values, principles, and identity drive the loop rather than your results. The focus should always be on becoming that type of person, not getting a particular outcome.”  

The point of living your values is to become more true to yourself. Your values will become your actions and your actions will reflect how you feel about yourself. Simply put, “True behavior change is identity change” (Clear, 2018). This change involves setting goals for yourself, overcoming obstacles, and staying committed to your values. This is no fast process, but as you start to work towards the type of person you want to be, you will notice real change in your life!

The Where and How to Start

James Clear (2018) describes an easy two-step plan in order to live your values:

First, choose who you want to be [choose what values you want to live by]

Second, prove to yourself that you are that person through small, everyday habits [or choices]

Simple enough right? Great! You can go on to the next section now….. Did you really think it would be that easy? Of course not, however, James does have the right idea. In order to start living by your values we need to set goals. As discussed in the setting effective goals section in the personal growth module, setting goals is a great strategy to help us become our best selves. In this context, goals should be used to help us to better live out our values. Every goal or action should be directly related to your values. 

Some important things to remember about setting these goals. First, instead of focusing on the outcome, which you don’t control, you should focus on what is truly in your control: your actions and attention (Harris, 2008). No matter how you feel, think, or difficulties you face, your ability to choose your focus and action cannot be taken from you. Second, if you have a goal set for a few years in the future like traveling the world, then how might you start to live your values now so that in 5 or so years you will be able to live by your values better? What behavioral changes can you make today? Third, remember to not only act out your values through external actions, but also through internal actions (Harris, 2019). If your value is love, then you should try to express love to others as well as yourself through your own thoughts. You may not control every thought, but choose to align the thoughts you do control with your values.  

Head to the exercise section of this module and try out the Setting Value Based Goals exercise.

Outcome Vs Behavior Goals

These won’t be like the goals you are used to making. Here’s a quick orientation to outcome goals and behavioral goals.

Outcome goals are any goal that has an expected result in order to receive or achieve, usually with a time constraint. (Harris, 2019). For example, “I want to learn a new language this year,” or “I want to run a marathon.” These goals can be used as landmarks that guide you along the way of living your values. However, since they are solely focused on achieving something, and you can never truly achieve your values, we also need to set behavioral goals.

Behavior goals are focused on realizing your values by continued action. Values are not dependent on whether or not you achieve something, but instead on how you choose to act. So as outcome goals are landmarks, behavioral goals are like a compass.  Where outcome goals are usually focused on a future result, behavioral goals are focused on how you act in the here-and-now (sounds familiar huh?). As you set an outcome goal such as “I want to run a marathon,” you can also set a behavior goal of “I want to live healthier.” That way you're living your values here and now as you work towards a goal in the future. 

When striving for outcome goals, we often think we are 100% responsible for the results. The truth is, the results of your outcome goals are out of your control. You may be able to do a lot to influence the results and timing of those goals. Yet, you will never be in full control of the outcome. On the other hand, you can always control your behavior (actions and attention). Since your actions and attention happen in the present, you will always be able to accomplish when you choose to. There is no true end or achievement to living your values, just small wins every moment of each day. That is why it is key to focus on behavioral goals as to not get discouraged when striving for your values. When you set behavior goals, you can be satisfied knowing you are living a value-based life whether or not you accomplish your outcome goals.

Roadblocks to Value-based Living

We aren’t mind readers but you might be thinking, “this all sounds easier said than done.” Well, you’d actually be right about that. Different things may happen in life that can get in your way as you live your values. When life gets hard, it becomes even harder to live your values. However, the point of values is not to live by them when you feel like it or is most convenient. Each time you make a decision to live by your values, especially when life is tough, you are proving to yourself that you are the person you want to be (Clear, 2018). 

So then, what things get in the way of you living your values? Most commonly, people experience urges or thoughts that “hook” them and pull them away from their values (Harris, 2019). Such things can lead to actions described as away moves, because you are moving away from the direction your values want to take you. This concept is discussed thoroughly in the Engaged Living module. Here is a brief explanation. 

Urges and challenging thoughts can be difficult to work through. Urges are impulses, reactions, or automatic actions that influence your behavior. Challenging thoughts are ideas that you get stuck on and have a deep belief in, no matter how irrational or untrue they are; oftentimes they are blanket statements about one’s self. When people say it is hard to get started on something, they feel too lazy, they lack self control, etc., they are referring to these urges and thoughts. 

These concepts are the biggest hurdles to a value-based living, but they are possible to get over! Will MacDonald has written a blog post about ways to overcome these challenges. You can check it out by clicking the link here.

A Committed Way of Living

As we mentioned before, committed action is doing what it takes to live by your values, and it has the potential to improve your well-being (Harris, 2019). Through committed action you will achieve goals that you set for ourselves. Remember, values act as the compass that point you in the direction you want to travel, and goals are landmarks along that path. Reaching goals that are important to you can bring a sense of accomplishment that can improve your happiness and make you feel good. However, here is a word of warning regarding goals: while attaining your goals is meaningful and good, they are a byproduct of committed action. If achieving your goals is the focus of your attention, you may become disappointed if you do not reach them. However, if your focus is on living your values through committed action, the satisfaction you gain will come from living the kind of life you wish to live, regardless of the outcome.

As we discuss in the Engaged Living module, committed action includes making deliberate and consistent choices that are in line with your values. One important note about committed action: the direction of your movement is more important than the size of your steps. Some days you might take big leaps, while other days small steps may be all you can manage. Remember that as you begin to discover and live your chosen values, any step towards your values is progress! As you are deliberate in consistently behaving in ways according to with your values, you will find yourself becoming the person who you wish to be.