By Dan Wellock
Note: This post is the second in a series of three. Click here to read the first post.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love. ”
It was the last day of classes for the semester, and I was heading home, exhausted.
The semester had been the longest of my life. Tragedy struck—my dear older brother took his life just as my routine was setting in, and my life fell apart. I had to quickly pick it up again because midterms were around the corner, and my many responsibilities would not wait for me to get my act together. Now, with my final class done, I could breathe again.
It was a cool day with a little cloud cover. The sun was setting on the horizon opposite from the mountains. As I walked home, I gazed at those clouds and mountains. The vivid whites and greens changed to brilliant pinks and oranges. The clouds had that deep glow that can only be seen in rare moments. I always listen to music on my way back, and the song I played as I had walked up to my brother’s place of death just weeks ago came on. I slowed, coming to a stop facing the mountains. He always loved the mountains—especially when they were covered in dense forests and snow. I let the song play to the end, tears streaming down my face, as I gazed at the light reflecting off the mountainside. I felt like it was a moment with him. A moment that was unique in a way that told me it would never happen again quite like that.
My penchant for coping with sorrow is to run away. Like others, I escape into fantasy worlds, trying to become someone else in a far away land so my problems feel distant. But we can never escape for too long. In this experience, I learned that we cannot push our feelings down and simulate them later in different circumstances. Experiences happen in their own individual contexts, and they merit attention. This particular event was not easy. My heart clenched, my throat choked, and my eyes welled up. But I would not trade that moment for anything because it was a memory with him. Though he is beyond my reach, in those special moments a piece of him is with me.
That experience was only possible because I chose to be mindful. Mindfulness can help us feel joy, its true. But it can also help us notice and savor the profound moments that happen often. In grief especially, we tend to avoid the pain, when really it is the key to acceptance.
In my previous article, I wrote about the lived experience of grief. Today I explore what the research says about mindfulness and grief. This will not be a comprehensive literature review; that is forthcoming in a later project. Instead, this will be a brief introduction to some studies of mindfulness-based practices applied to grieving individuals. It is my hope that this will be helpful to those plagued with grief and to those who wish to help their grieving friends.
Brain imaging can show correlations between mental states and physical phenomena. By associating brain regional activity with specific mental experiences, researchers can theorize about possible links. Huang et. al. (2019) conducted a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) study to see the brain changes that occur in bereaved individuals when they engage in mindfulness practices. We know that grief not only affects emotional regulation but also cognitive function, so researchers also sought potential improvements in mental acuity. 23 bereaved participants who had lost a significant relative within the last six months to four years attended a mindfulness and cognitive therapy course and then filled out a self-report questionnaire for emotional regulation. They then had an fMRI scan to see the effect on their executive control. Researchers found that brain activity that is generally associated with cognitive interruption slightly declined, and there were significant improvements in participants’ reaction time. From a neuroscience perspective, mindfulness impacts the brain in positive ways.
One of the most prevalent bereaved populations includes widows and widowers. Losing a life partner is traumatic because it feels as if a dominant half of the self is ripped away. Mindfulness could be a way to alleviate the pain associated with the loss. In one study, researchers gathered 94 widows and widowers and assigned them to one of three six-week intervention groups: Mindfulness Training, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, and a waiting period (Knowles, et. al., 2026). Results showed that both Mindfulness Training and Progressive Muscle Relaxation showed significant reductions in depressive symptoms and stress. Indeed, Mindfulness Training had the greatest perceived stress reduction compared to the waitlisted group. This study, though reliant on retrospective self-report questionnaires with a small sample size, indicates that mindfulness practices can make a marked difference in the lives of widows and widowers.
Another prevalent population consists of elderly people. As we near the end of our lives, friends and family begin to pass, and we experience not only loss and loneliness, but also a sense of anxious anticipation. Grief then becomes a complex composed of negative emotions. O’Connor et. al. (2013) sought to find the effects of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) in elderly bereaved people. Researchers compared a MBCT intervention group, an intervention group with an intention to treat, and waitlist controls. Compared to the waitlisted controls, results showed the MBCT significantly reduced depressive symptoms such as complicated grief, post-traumatic stress, and working memory at a later follow up. From this study, we can conclude that MBCT appears to reduce depressive symptoms among the bereaved elderly.
Suicide is horrific in its own right, but it is devastating for survivors who must live out the rest of their lives without their loved one. Indeed, suicide survivor grief is distinct from that of other kinds of bereavement because it includes a traumatic, intense, complex element that is compounded by guilt, shame, regret, and above all, the need to understand “why”. It is surprising, then, that intervention lacks evidence, and there is no specialized treatment for suicide survivors. In the past few years, however, this population has received renewed interest. Scocco et. al. (2022) sought to see the effect of a 16-hour intensive self-compassion experiential intervention known as Panta Rhei. 97 participants filled out a series of questionnaires 4-6 days before and after the intervention. Researchers found that psychological distress significantly decreased and that positive mental skills (observation, description, non-judgement, and non-reaction) all increased. Additionally, self-kindness and self-compassion had a noticeable increase. This study seems to suggest that self-compassion-based interventions can reduce distress and increase positive mental outcomes in individuals bereaved by suicide—even when the intervention is short-term.
We can see from these studies that resources are out there, even if the research landscape is limited. Mindfulness has been practiced by adherents of eastern religions for millennia, and they have found peace. When confronted with the question of finitude and a new reality bereft of a cherished loved one, mindfulness practices can preserve our identity, help us recover from extreme loss, and even produce profound experiences despite (or perhaps because of) the pain.
When we encounter loss and pain, we face the abyss of nihilism, despair, and existential dread. The finite nature of reality looms before us and we cower before its ultimate devastation. We wonder, “Why am I still here? What is the purpose of it all?” Yet herein is the formation of the self. As Walt Whitman wrote:
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Positive psychology, mindfulness practices, and evidence-based interventions are innovative and bring hope to the suffering. But the practices are not ends in themselves. Their effects—the healing of the self, the development of identity, the establishment of an enduring legacy—are what truly matter. So, as we embark on the path of amelioration, we must continually ask ourselves, “how will this experience, this pain, this profound suffering, contribute to the verse that I am composing?”
In the next article in the series, we will look more closely at the interventions mentioned here. We will find out clear and actionable practices that can help us develop the skill of mindfulness in grief.
References
Huang F-Y, Hsu A-L, Hsu L-M, Tsai J-S, Huang C-M, Chao Y-P, Hwang T-J and Wu CW (2019). Mindfulness Improves Emotion Regulation and Executive Control on Bereaved Individuals: An fMRI Study. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience. 12:541. doi: 10.3389/fnhum.2018.00541
Lindsey M. Knowles, Deanna M. Kaplan, Melissa Flores, Sydney E. Friedman & Mary-Frances O’Connor (2026) Mindfulness and Relaxation Interventions Reduce Depression, Negative Affect and Stress in Widow(er)s, Journal of Loss and Trauma, 31:2, 302-325, DOI: 10.1080/15325024.2025.2504951
O'Connor, M., Piet, J., & Hougaard, E. (2014). The effects of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy on depressive symptoms in elderly bereaved people with loss-related distress: A controlled pilot study. Mindfulness, 5(4), 400–409. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-013-0194-x
Pignatiello, G., Martin, R., & Hickman, R. (2020). Decision fatigue: A conceptual analysis. Journal of Health Psychology, 25, 123 - 135. https://doi.org/10.1177/1359105318763510
Scocco, P., Arbien, M., Totaro, S. et al. Panta Rhei: a Non-randomized Intervention Trial on the Effectiveness of Mindfulness-Self-compassion Weekend Retreats for People Bereaved by Suicide. Mindfulness 13, 1307–1319 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-022-01880-0
Whitman, W. (2017). Leaves of grass. Penguin Classics.