Managing Emotion

If the Stoics are known for anything, it is that we must control our emotions instead of allowing them to control us. Does that mean we are stone cold and without feeling? No. Stoics strive to become master over the nature of feelings. Seneca explains: feelings and emotions are two different things. Feelings are thoughts that come unbidden to our minds when we encounter a scenario. Emotions are the result of dwelling on our feelings. That dwelling, or better yet wallowing, in emotions is the direct result of attachment to externals and improper judgements. 

Interestingly enough, the Stoics aren’t just referring to negative feelings when they say to distance yourself from emotion. Say you’re upset at a coworker or excited about a new relationship. In each case, negative or positive, the emotion gets in the way of objective judgement and right action. At first glance, anger might appear to be the correct response to a situation, but as Seneca makes clear in his work “On Anger,” the emotion only limits the range of possible actions we can take and limits our reason. The same thing is true for inflated excitement. Have you noticed that often when someone begins a new romantic relationship they begin to sever ties with all their other close relationships? They are so caught up in excitement that their judgment clouds the importance of other relationships. 

Seneca stated that “A man is happy when no circumstance can reduce him.” Here is a play-by-play of how this happens. Imagine you’re doing a math problem that leaves you feeling confused. This may lead you to thinking: “I will never be good at math.” If you choose to believe this, you may feel discouraged. Keep wallowing in it and you’ll find yourself believing another negative thought: “I'm always so neurotic.” See how quickly that can escalate? We can attest that the best way to grab hold of reality and exit this state of emotion, is by following the practices below. 

Before you check them out, here are some tips to help you get started. Try not to stress over identifying if something is a feeling or an emotion. Instead, ask yourself, “Is this mood something that is helping me, or clouding my judgement?” Next, explore these emotions and feelings with some self compassion.  Treat yourself like you would treat a good friend. As Marcus Arelius suggested, “Be free of passion, and yet full of love.” (click here for more info on self compassion). Finally, remember that controlling your emotions is a way to build reason and virtue; it’s difficult work, and will ultimately lead to deeper savoring of the human experience and eudaimonia.  

Practice: Naming Emotions

Time: 5-10 minutes

Foundation: “Whenever you are surrounded by people trying to convince you that you are unhappy, consider not what you hear them say but what you yourself feel.” Seneca

Materials Needed: Pen, paper, timer

Description: This is a mindfulness exercise. Set your timer for 5-10 minutes and then think about a recent event. How did you feel about that even at the moment, and how do you feel about it in your reflections? Write down any emotion that comes to mind: joy, anger, envy, frustration, fear, jealousy, etc. Pick one of these emotions and flesh it out. Why were you feeling that way? Who was the emotion directed towards? Was it helpful, or did it cloud your judgment? Continue writing until the timer goes off. If you want to keep going with the practice, feel free to write about each emotion that you’ve listed.